You have to know - you are NOT alone!
The amount of times I have given up, made the same old promises that i just couldn't keep, spent hours crying because I didn't stick to my word and then feel like a terrible person because of it.
The amount of times that I have just kept everything to myself, even though I KNOW that people could help if i just asked - but I didn't want to hurt them.
The multiple times that I do WELL, and I am HAPPY, and people become PROUD! .. But then I gave into temptation and ruined it all - but become to scared to tell them because they were proud of me.
That feeling where you feel so down, and so surrounded by darkness that you just become fed up, and the only way you can think that could POSSIBLY be a way out is by ending everything.
When you know that hope is in God, but it just feels like it is right in front of you but isn't quite in your reach - like a donkey with a carrot tied just in front of it's face. No matter how hard or fast it tries to run it wont get the carrot - and you feel like no matter how hard you try you just don't seem to be able to get through it.
Happiness only feels temporary.
I have lived that. All of it. For years of my life!
The devil just seems to be able to take control - like you are his puppet, and he is the puppeteer, controling your thoughts.
You can feel like noone can see you, that no one cares.
But the reality is, everyone can see, and everyone is trying to reach out but you can't see through the darkness.
Finding the light so that you can see the path out of it can be hard to find.
It took me years.
And it wasn't even because I didn't know where to look for the switch - because I think secretly we all know where the switch is to turn on the light. We all know what changes we can make to make things change.
But we choose not to take them.
Like when you go on a diet ; You KNOW what foods are healthy and unhealthy - but the unhealthy, old ways seem so much better.
Because that is where you are comfortable...
The devil makes us think that we are comfortable, even in the most uncomfortable habits.
Self harm, depression - all those ways of thinking; They aren't the RIGHT way of thinking, but we are always tempted to go back to them because that is what we know best.
We know it isn't going to benefit us - but it is easier then pushing forward.
When really, if we just pushed forward that bit more, just kept going a bit longer, just kept taking little steps out of our comfort zone - we would find ourselves in a better place - with those negative, dark places right behind us.
The reality is - it wont be an instant thing.
It wont be an easy thing.
There isn't one simple big step you can do to fix things.
But there are lots of little things you can do; which are never easy
But it is the best thing you can do.
When someone bullies you - remember all the things people love about you!
When your "friends" let you down - remember all the good times you have had with them!
When your so-called "friends" go behind your back - remind yourself of all the other people in your life that have helped you through things!
Remember God has placed you where you are at for a REASON and a PURPOSE for GOOD and NOT disaster, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE!
You're alive for a reason! You are here for a reason!
NEVER forget that - but also don't EVER feel guilty if you do!
Just remind yourself again.
BABY STEPS!
You'll get there.
You'll make it.
As Dory said in Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!"
